Friday, 14 July 2017
Thursday, 8 June 2017
Money, success and happiness you can have it all. Here's how.
You are not happy and you cannot work out why. You are striving to further your career, to become more successful and earn more money and you think that will bring happiness. It won't.
You work harder, you work longer hours, you push hard but still, the emptiness is inside you. That feeling you are chasing is eluding you or if you do feel it, that sensation doesn't last. Leaving you emptier than before. It seems like the more you strive for it the further away it gets.
On top of all this life is hitting you hard, relentless emails, work pressures, home pressure, stuck commuting, the drama is everywhere; no one seems to understand what you are going through. So you just put your head down and keep going day in day out, dealing with it and not ever addressing it. You push it down but that feeling creeps back up then you suppress it.
You have no time for your thoughts, no time to deal with what needs to be dealt with. It's starting to affect your relationships, your motivation levels are dropping and your normal enthusiasm for life is fading. Leaving you at a complete loss on how to improve your circumstances. You wonder how you ever got this way.
So you buy something; a new toy or decide you need a bigger house or a car. It feels good for a while and you get that feeling you have been chasing but then it fades. The short-term happiness didn't last; it felt so good to be happy again. Then it leaves you wondering where it went and why can't you be happy.
It's not the car, the boat, the big house or the new clothes you are chasing its the feeling it gives. We sacrifice our happiness now for a later goal. We think short term gratification and happiness will solve our problem.
We put rules and conditions on our lives;
I will be happy when....
Once I get ... I will be happy
I will do more exercise when...
I have always wanted to do.... but….
So what is happiness?
Momentary happiness is shopping, chocolate, activities, distractions (wine, gambling etc). It does not last though when we seek external things to provide a vehicle for our happiness. We get used to these new things and a new way of life (think of people who win the lottery).
Long term happiness is living your life purpose, being fulfilled, connected, contributing and living in the present moment.
“Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude.” Denis Waitley
Aristippus a pupil of Socrates believed in hedonism; a life of pleasure and the meaning of life was pleasure and the pursuit of pleasure.
Aristotle, however, believed that a life of purpose was the key to happiness. Virtue, wisdom, growth and inner flourishing were the keys to living happy and life of meaning.
“Our greatest happiness does not depend on the condition of life in which chance has placed us, but is always the result of a good conscience, good health, occupation, and freedom in all just pursuits.” Thomas Jefferson
So why lasting happiness so important?
Happy people tend to be fitter and healthier, are more connected with those they care about, increased wellbeing, improved immunity, lower blood pressure, enhanced marriages, and relationships.
Happy people are more productive at work and have a higher emotional intelligence leading to increased earnings. They cope better with stress and are less reactive.
There are many factors that affect our happiness and many of these are in our control. Meaning we can choose whether we are happy or not based on how we respond to certain situations.
Sonia Lyubomirsky states that:
50% Set Point - This is our natural state of happiness, hereditary.
10% Life Circumstances - Age, Ethnicity, demographic, childhood trauma, religion, job status and where you live.
40% Intentional Activities - Choice, our behaviors, what we do
She believed that we cannot change the first one and limited in how we can affect on the second, so to have the biggest impact on our happiness we needed to change our intentional activities and our behaviors.
So how can we become happier? There are some many factors that can improve our happiness and wellbeing and it could become overwhelming to consider all of them. Based on my own experience and research I have come up with the list below.
1. Gratitude
I put this first because if there were a magic bullet on the key to happiness this would be it. The more we are grateful for the more we realize how much we have to be grateful for. Gratitude is the healthiest of all emotions; it's impossible to feel sad when in a state of gratitude.
How: Write in a gratitude journal each day. List 5 things you are grateful for. Tell someone close to you how much you appreciate him or her. Take time to acknowledge yourself for everything you have achieved. You have done more than you give yourself credit for.
“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.” Melody Beattie
2. Forgiveness
Forgive yourself and others. Hanging on to past failings or dramas with family friends does not serve you in any way. Forgiveness in Greek actually means to "let go". It is time to let go, let go of the burden. In the Bible, it even states that when we forgive it can improve our health and happiness.
“Forgiveness is not always easy. At times, it feels more painful than the wound we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it. And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness.” Marianne Williamson
3. Remove yourself
Stay away from what makes you unhappy and remove yourself from the drama. Understand what makes you unhappy, so you can avoid those situations or people. There are drama and negativity everywhere: On the TV, where ever we go, on the radio. Write a list of all the things that make you unhappy, then read through them so you can avoid them.
“Avoid cynical and negative people like the plague. They are killers of potential.” Rick Pitino
4. Relax your rules
What does it take for you to be happy? What rules and conditions have you put on your happiness? Are they too strict? If you softened them it how much happier could you be? If the world ended tomorrow would some of these rules really matter?
“The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts: therefore, guard accordingly, and take care that you entertain no notions unsuitable to virtue and reasonable nature.” Marcus Aurelius
5. Get healthier
World Health Org defines health "As a complete state of physical, mental and social wellbeing. A healthy body is directly linked to a healthy mind. Research shows that happy people eat healthier, exercise more and get better sleep than people that are depressed and stressed.
Don’t feel you need a personal trainer or all the right equipment just start doing anything. Move more whenever you can, play with the kids at the park, use the free exercise equipment at the park when ever you can sneak something in, do it.
"The groundwork of all happiness is health.” Leigh Hunt
6. Morning routine
With a morning routine, you start your day with the best possible chance of success. You create a more mindful and positive state of being before life starts to hit you from every direction, you become less reactive and more in control of what emotions you feel on a daily basis. Our emotions affect our decisions so, therefore, our decision-making abilities improve. Many of the world most successful people credit a morning routine as a part of their ongoing success and wellbeing.
My morning routine
1. Wake at 5 am
2. Drink 2 glasses of water
3. Exercise for 40mins
4. Stretch for 20mins
5. Meditate for 15-20mins
6. Write in my gratitude journal
7. Visualise my goals
8. Write a to-do list and prioritise
9. Listen to motivational content on YouTube
10. 7 am Eat a good breakfast and have a coffee
Now you might not want to wake at 5 am, that’s fine try to wake 30mins earlier and adding some of the above in shorter time blocks. Experiment with what works for you. If you miss a day, who cares just reset and go again the next day. After a few weeks, it will become a habit. If you had have asked me if I would get up at 5 am 6 months ago I would have laughed at you.
“The secret of your future is hidden in your daily routine.” Mike Murdock
7. Discover your purpose
Dr. Denis Waitely says that we all have 5 – 7 unique abilities and that we need to find them and express them. When we strive for something bigger than ourselves we are more fulfilled, happier and more engaged in life. Of the six core needs developed by Tony Robbins: Growth and contribution are the needs of our spirit.
Answer these questions:
What’s your major dream in life?
What are you most passionate about?
Where would you like to go?
What would you like to create?
Whom would you like to become?
What would you like to master?
What do you intend to give in return?
Whom are you going to help along the way?
What’s important to you?
What has meaning for you?
What legacy do you want to leave?
What don’t you want to do?
What would take you out of your comfort zone?
What would get you out of bed when the going gets tough?
“There is one quality which one must possess to win, and that is definiteness of purpose, the knowledge of what one wants, and a burning desire to possess it.” Napoleon Hill
Life challenges us all each and every day. I am not saying don’t strive hard to make lots of money and have incredible success. I think that is very important in life, to have holistic success. Just don’t sacrifice your happiness now until you get all the things you want. The law of resonance states we don’t attract what we need we attract what we become. Get a happy healthy mind; body and spirit and the money and success flow as a result.
If you are reading this and things are ok but you know they could be better, lets talk. Take a chance you might just find what you are looking for. https://thephoenixexperience.youcanbook.me
One of the top regrets in life, when people die, is that wish they had allowed themselves to be happier.
About the author. Daniel is a motivational speaker, facilitator, mindset coach and takes busy professionals on life changing experiences. A chance to press pause on your busy routine and reflect on what is truly important.
Join me on this journey by following below.
Researched from Positive Psychology @The Coaching Institute and my own personal experience.
Monday, 5 June 2017
Friday, 2 June 2017
Sunday, 21 May 2017
9 signs you should press pause right now and give back to yourself.
When you say “personal development,” some people automatically think of Tony Robbins or of positive thinking and lots of clapping, cheering and walking on fire.
Personal development is developing you beyond where you are currently now. Only 10% of the population do any kind of development after university.
The thing about change is that it is constant. In nature, nothing stays still, if it did we wouldn’t have butterflies.
“The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance.” Nathaniel Branden
Growing is inherent in the human race, to flourish, to take ourselves beyond our current circumstances and achieve great things. Growth and contribution, needs of the spirit.
“The ultimate value of life depends upon awareness and the power of contemplation rather than upon mere survival.” Aristotle
At some stage though some of us hit a point where we settle with how things are, we have achieved a certain amount of success and life is good, it’s pretty comfortable. We can become ok with the way life is now.
After chasing a career that would help me provide for my young family, I was about 4 years into my whirlwind love affair with the success that I went to holiday in New Zealand, my boss forced me to go on holiday without my phone. It took that kind of removal from my every day and getting out into the mountains for me to realise how disconnected I had become from my wife and my family. I was drinking wine at night to relax and to sleep, coffee in the morning just to wake up and cans of Coke in the afternoon just to get me through.
I wasn’t swimming, riding or getting out into the mountains half as much as I used to.
We suppress those hidden desires and dreams we had when we were young. At some point, the universe will force us to stop suppressing those thoughts, those feelings and demand us to listen.
“What is necessary to change a person is to change his awareness of himself.” Abraham Maslow
But what if the universe didn’t have to? What if we decided to take action and say, “I won't suppress those feelings any longer”.
Throughout my life, it always took a major life event for me to change. This time I made the decision to consciously give back to myself, bring things into balance and lose all the weight I had slowly gained and reconnect with my family and myself.
Before we decide to act we need to be aware that there might be a few areas of our lives that might need work.
Below are 9 signs that it is time to make changes in your life before the inevitable happens.
1. 1. You wake at night thinking about work and can’t get back to sleep.
2. 2. You check emails in bed or first thing when you wake up.
3. 3. You have 20 things on your mind at once.
4. 4. 10kg -20kg overweight or haven’t been on the scales in a while.
5. 5. You feel guilty when you over eat and your favourite beverage in the arvo is a can of Coke.
6. 6. You tell yourself everything is ok when someone asks how you are you answer “I’m fine” or “not bad”.
7. 7. You find yourself telling your kids “I can’t right now I am too busy” or “I just need to finish this first then I will come out”.
8. 8. You don’t take enough annual leave for fear that the place will fall apart without you or when you do take leave you take your phone with you.
9. 9. You feel disconnected to those you care about, you’re not present and in the moment with them.
“The ability to be in the present moment is a major component of mental wellness.” Abraham Maslow
Once we become aware that there are areas of our lives that might need attention, it's time to take action. The deciding is the easy part, taking the consistent action can be a little harder if your reason for changing isn’t strong enough. What is your big reason why this is important to you?
Pick one of the above that stands out for you and focus on it for a week. When you catch yourself in your old habit don’t beat yourself up for it. Reset and go again, there is no right or wrong this is about slowly improving a day at a time.
“You're imperfect, and you're wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.” Brene Brown
Maybe things are going incredibly well for you and maybe you don’t need to change, that’s awesome. What does the next level look like to you? How can you make a conscious decision to work less and earn more, to contribute more, strengthen your relationships, get fitter, stronger, healthier, be a better parent, be more mindful, fulfilled and grateful for all the wonderful things in your life.
If you find yourself stuck, lacking motivation I can help.
Book a first mindset session with me, instead of $250 I want to offer it to you for $50. Let's get you back in the game. riseup@thephoenixexperience.com.au
Book a first mindset session with me, instead of $250 I want to offer it to you for $50. Let's get you back in the game. riseup@thephoenixexperience.com.au
About the author. Daniel is a motivational speaker, facilitator, mindset coach and takes busy professionals on life changing experiences. A chance to press pause on your busy routine and reflect on what is truly important.
Join me on this journey by following below.
Wednesday, 3 May 2017
You could never be that successful!
At least that’s what I told myself anyway. Bull***t!
For years I told myself I wasn’t disciplined, so I would never be as successful as I wanted to be. It was a story I believed.
I always admired disciplined people and associated that quality with one of the cornerstones of success. Through my research on personal development and the habits of successful people, they all say you have got to have discipline and one theme was very common: their morning routine.
They get up every day at 5 am.
Exercise
Meditate
Gratitude journal
Visualize their goals
Prioritize their day
Read or listen to something inspirational
There is no way I could get up at 5 am every day and commit to a routine like that, I am simply not disciplined enough to do that, I might do it for a week or so then slowly start to sleep in again or miss days (at least that’s the story I told myself).
“Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.” Jim Rohn
I love variety; I had confused variety with the lack of routine. I saw routine as a bad thing, I guess I have been like that my whole life, I never knew what I wanted to do in life, I always took on work that had lots of variety, tried lots of sports and lived in many different places.
“The secret of happiness is variety, but the secret of variety, like the secret of all spices, is knowing when to use it.” Daniel Gilbert
Growing up, a friend and I started working for Queensland Rail and he had the plan all laid out for the rest of his life; move up into head office then retire early and start a remedial massage business. I take my hat off to him to having a solid plan so early but for me, I barely knew what I was doing that weekend.
Then when I was 20 I was a passenger in a single vehicle accident that left me with a shattered spine and neck and the news that I may never walk again. Thankfully I learned to walk again and knew I was saved for a reason and that I was meant to do something meaningful with my life. I wasn't sure what that something was so I spent a lot of money and a lot of years doing courses and personal development to try to figure out what it was.
To be honest, I never truly committed to anything, asking myself "is this what I want to do for the rest of my days?" When the real reason was, I told myself that I "wasn’t disciplined enough" to commit to that for the rest of my days.
Over the years I have trained hard, stopped drinking and managed my diet from time to time. I completed post-grad studies with a newborn in the house, but I never saw myself as disciplined. It wasn't until 7 months ago I gave up sugar, bread and reduced my carb intake to go on the "Keto" diet. Someone said to me you are so disciplined, you gave up sugar and you look great, you have lost all this weight. I thanked them for their kind words but I was still thinking to myself, “I am not a very disciplined person at all.”
“Few men are born brave. Many become so through training and force of discipline.” Publius Flavius Vegetius Renatus
I hadn't thought of what I was doing in that way. It got me thinking all about it, then it came to me, discipline has a negative context to it and seemed like this huge obstacle to overcome (for me anyway).
discipline
ˈdɪsɪplɪn/
1.The practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behavior, using punishment to correct disobedience.
"a lack of proper parental and school discipline"
synonyms: control, regulation, direction, order, authority, rule, strictness, a firm hand.
In school, we are taught that we either get things right or wrong and you get disciplined for being wrong.
I came to the realization that discipline is just a choice. I choose to do something or I choose not to. It's simply a decision at that moment.
It's a choice to press the snooze button and not get up early.
It's a choice to not eat that piece of cake.
It's a choice to exercise more.
It's a choice to be happier and kind to people.
It's a choice to drink less alcohol.
It's a choice to drink water instead of soft drink or soda.
It's all a choice. Sounds easy right? Yes in theory, but there is the catch. It's taking action that is hard because nothing happens without action. To make the right choice you need to know your outcome, you have to. What is your big reason why? What is so important to you that it will make this choice a no-brainer? When the goal outweighs the decision, it makes the choice very easy.
“The word “discipline” originates from the Latin word disciplina which means “instruction” and derives from the root discere which means “to learn.” The word discipulus which means “disciple or pupil” also stems from this word. So in a very fundamental sense, discipline can be considered systematic instruction given to a disciple.”
Discipline is in the simplest terms a set of instructions that we choose to give ourselves and take action on them that will lead us to our goals and dreams.
“To enjoy good health, to bring true happiness to one's family, to bring peace to all, one must first discipline and control one's own mind. If a man can control his mind he can find the way to Enlightenment, and all wisdom and virtue will naturally come to him.” Buddha
You are either loyal to your goals or your excuses. I am happy to say that I have started my morning routine getting up at 5 am every day and it’s going incredibly well. If you had have told me that I would wake at 5 am every day 6 months ago I would have laughed. That’s a topic for another Blog.
What we say to ourselves has a huge impact on us, more than we realize. Don’t let your opinion of yourself become your reality, change your mindset and you can do those things you want to do.
If you find yourself stuck, lacking motivation I can help.
Book a first mindset session with me, instead of $250 I want to offer it to you for $50. Let's get you back in the game. riseup@thephoenixexperience.com.au
Join me on this journey below.
Thursday, 20 April 2017
Have you forgotten what is important?
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